Hey, Lawyers:
Elephant in the room.
I’m not here to steal your clients!
I know what your inbox looks like.
Twenty emails from the same client overnight before you’ve even had coffee.
You became a family lawyer to practise law, not to manage someone's emotional spiral at 6am. You didn't sign up to be a counsellor either. And yet, some days can feel like that and it can be really heavy.
Working in the family law jurisdiction is draining in a way that most other areas of law aren't. Your clients aren't always making rational, considered decisions. They're operating from grief, fear, and a sometimes significant amount of anger. They're not giving you clear instructions because they aren’t thinking clearly.
They can go into mediation overwhelmed and under-prepared because nobody helped them get ready. They sit across from the Family Report writer without knowing what to expect. You are scared to read the Family Report wondering what might have been said to derail your legal plan. They fire off emails at midnight and expect a response by morning. And yet at other times your emails go unanswered, the phone calls are not returned and you can’t get adequate instructions to get that affidavit drafted or settled.
Sound familiar?
What a coached client looks like.
When a client has been working with a Divorce Coach alongside you, things run differently.
They come to you knowing what they want to achieve as they have already turned their mind to it. They're organised with their disclosure documents. They can talk about conflict without escalating. They have a better understanding of procedural issues. They arrive at court hearings in a better headspace. They give clearer instructions to you and to barristers. They don't unravel in front of the Family Report writer.
There’s less time for you worrying about these issues and managing their emotional volatility.
The American Bar Association recognises divorce coaching as a listed ADR process. It's a recognised professional service that directly supports the legal process.
What I do. And what I don’t do.
I'm a DCA® Certified Divorce Coach. I work with clients at any stage of their separation. Sometimes I'm the first person they speak to; other times I'm brought in ahead of mediation, a court date, or a meeting with a Family Report writer. I also work closely with barristers to ensure clients are emotionally prepared and giving clear, focused instructions. There’s more information further down on this page in relation to how I help clients prepare for mediation and informal conferencing.
My work is forward-focused. I help clients get clarity on their goals, manage their emotional responses, and communicate more effectively under pressure. I'm not their therapist. Therapy tends to be focused on the past and on processing previous trauma. I'm focused on what comes next.
To be absolutely clear: I'm not providing legal advice. That's your job, not mine. My role is to help your client show up better for you, for the process, and for themselves.
On credentials.
I know some legal professionals have real concerns about the coaching industry being unregulated and those concerns are fair. There are people calling themselves divorce coaches whose only qualification is that they've been through a separation themselves.
That's not me.
I practised in the family law jurisdiction for 24 years. I ran a boutique family law firm in Australia for 13 years. I was a qualified Independent Children's Lawyer for close to two decades. I know what good legal work looks like and I know what gets in the way of it.
I’m the first to admit that when I sold my law firm I presumed my legal experience would be sufficient for me to work as a Divorce Coach. How hard could it be?! I was wrong! I'm now certified by the Divorce Coaches Academy (DCA) which is one of the most rigorous and structured coaching certification programs in the field, purpose-built for divorce professionals. This is structured, evidence-informed work focused on conflict regulation and communication. It is not 'woo woo'.
One more thing: the pet.
If your client has a pet and custody/living arrangements haven’t been resolved for the pet, there’s a good chance it is sitting in the background of everything. This can create anxiety and hold up negotiating parenting and property matters. Not all courts have jurisdiction to make orders about pets and not all laws are actually focused on what is best for the pet.
I'm internationally trained in Pet Custody Mediation and I can help resolve that issue quickly and independently. Don’t worry, it’s a party process so you will not need to be involved. Getting this issue ‘off the table’ frees your client (and the process) to focus on what matters. More information and bookings can be made on the Work With Me page.
Get in touch.
If you have a client who might benefit from coaching support alongside their legal matter, or if you'd like to understand more about how this could work in practice, I'd love to hear from you. I’m also happy to present a short ‘lunch and learn’ zoom session for your law firm.
Mediators / ADR.
“I only work with one party. But a single regulated party can change the whole dynamic in the room”
For Mediators + Family Dispute Resolution Practitioners
As an ADR professional, you’re no doubt aware that it’s not uncommon for one party to arrive at your session on the defensive. One party may have been rehearsing their grievances for weeks. The conversation stops being about outcomes and started being about feelings.
The session runs long. Or stalls. Or doesn't reach agreement at all. Or perhaps neither party has been reality tested yet.
It's not that the issues are too complex. It's that the parties aren't ready
The problem isn’t the Mediation. It’s the lack of preparation.
Mediation/ADR works when the parties can separate their emotional position from their practical interests. When they already know what they are trying to achieve (and can communicate it!). When they can actively listen to their ex partner without reacting immediately.
As you know, the parties are in the middle one of the most stressful experiences of their life. Grief, fear, and anger are not conducive to interest-based negotiation. And no amount of facilitation can really compensate for a party is not regulated enough to engage.
I believe ADR offers a genuinely better path for most separating families. But it works best when the parties are are well prepared.
What I do before they get to you.
I'm a DCA® Certified Divorce Coach. I work with clients at any stage of their separation - including specifically to prepare them for mediation, whether or not they've seen a lawyer first.
When a client works with me ahead of mediation they have a better understanding of the process and the benefits. They've had space to think clearly about what they actually want to achieve, rather than walking in fixated on what they want to 'win' or what is ‘fair’. They have tools for managing their emotional responses. They're more aware of their own conflict patterns and communication triggers. They've been helped to separate the personal from the practical.
They will arrive more regulated, more focused, and more capable of reaching agreement.
But what if only one party has done the work?
Common question!
Due to the nature of my role, I only work with one party. The best coaching work is done over a period of time (as opposed to a ‘one off’ session prior to mediation/ADR).
The reality is that even when only one party is regulated the dynamics of the whole process can change.
When one participant is less reactive, better prepared, and clearer on their interests, it can reduce the overall escalation in the session. It can put less reactive pressure on the other party. It allows your role as mediator to become more manageable.
Interestingly, a calmer party can model something the other party didn't expect to see which in itself can shift things.
What I’m not.
I'm not a therapist. Therapy tends to focus on the past such as processing previous trauma and exploring the roots of emotional responses. My work is forward-focused: what does my client need to move through this process effectively, and what's getting in the way?
Even though I worked as a specialist Family Lawyer for over two decades, I'm not providing legal advice in this role. My client may already have a lawyer who I am working alongside. Our roles don’t cross.
My role is to help your participant show up as the most capable version of themselves. The rest over to you!
Why me, specifically.
I practised as a family lawyer for almost 25 years. I’m been in many mediations as a lawyer acting for a party or for the child where it has become very apparent that one (or both) parties are not prepared or the emotions are unregulated. Mediation falls through and it becomes a wasted opportunity.
I understand the value of ADR and Mediation work and, importantly, of keeping clients out of court.
I'm certified by the Divorce Coaches Academy (DCA) with structured, evidence-informed coaching with a specific focus on conflict regulation and communication. I'm also the author of two Amazon bestselling books on separation, grief, and the family law process.
Please reach out if you would like to chat to me about how I may work alongside your organisation or practice. I would be happy to present to your colleagues via a zoom call.
Let’s get Social!
Email: hello@separateways.net
