“Separation is not just a legal event. It requires an understanding of conflict and communication. It is a grief event. When you understand that, everything changes”
“A significant part of my work is conflict and communication coaching. How you communicate with your ex partner, especially early on, can shape everything that follows. Your legal fees, your children, your wellbeing and how long the process drags on”
Meet Shaya
People don’t usually come to me because things are going well.
They come at 2:00am after an hour on Google that answered nothing, a conversation with an AI agent that lacked empathy or because their lawyer is expensive and/or 'doesn’t get it’. They come to me because they are smart and had it together … but now they don’t recognise themselves.
I’ve been a Family Lawyer for almost 25 years. Thousands of people have sat across from me in exactly your position. What I know from all of those years is that you don’t need to feel as lost as you actually feel right now. I also know that you do not have to figure this out alone.
What almost 25 years as a Family Lawyer taught me
As a lawyer, I had a map and I solved problems for my clients and would do everything to put them in the best possible position. I founded a boutique Family Law firm, spent two decades as a Court appointed child representative to represent the best interest of the children and won awards in the legal space.
Both of my parents died in a short space of time when I was in my late 30s. I spent a couple of years navigating the medical system and trying to hold it together. The period was one of immense uncertainty and I felt lost. As I went through this period of grief I first truly understood that many of my clients also were experiencing grief. I learnt that the breakdown of a relationship is not just a legal event. It is a grief event.
When you understand the concept of grief and loss in the context of relationship breakdown, you make different decisions and spend less on legal fees. You communicate better.
That insight was the foundation of my first book Separate Ways: Surviving Post Separation Grief - an Amazon #1 bestseller and finalist in the National Business Book Awards.
The bit nobody tells you about.
After selling my Family Law firm in Australia, I soon moved into Divorce Coaching and it has become really clear to me that most of the important work that you can do happens before anyone sits down with a lawyer. The important work also happens between legal and family law appointments and before critical dates.
I’m a certified DCA® Divorce Coach and much of the work that I do sits in the space that legal advice doesn’t touch: communication, conflict and decision making under pressure. The way that you communicate with your ex-partner, particularly early on, can shape everything that follows. Your legal costs. Your children’s wellbeing. How long this all drags on. The thing is that most people going through separation are not taught how to do well under all of this pressure. And the pressure is likely coming from every angle at the moment. This is exactly what I help with. If you have a lawyer then I can help you to communicate with them and also to minimise your legal fees.
Let’s be clear: this is not therapy. If you work with a therapist, you’ll know that they tend to look backwards with you to help you understand why you feel the way you. I help you work out what to do next. You are the best placed person to know what is best for you and your family and I help you make sense of the noise in your head to take practical steps toward where you actually want to be. The other ‘bit’ that nobody tells you about is that you need to be ready to do this. You will need to self reflect and get thinking when we work together! I can’t wave a magic wand and make it all disappear, but I can help you to take you take back control and I will guide you. If you are prepared to do the work with me, you will begin to feel a sense of relieve and empowerment.
I work with clients via Zoom globally and am based in the UAE. If you are an ex pat navigating separation far from home with the added complexities of jurisdiction, international assets and no local support network - I understand the challenges both personally and professionally. (Two pug dogs made the journey with me — 35 hours in cabin without disembarking. If that tells you anything, it's that I take the business of starting over very seriously.)
Because not all divorce coaches are the same. Not even close.
Divorce coaching is an unregulated industry. When I worked as a specialist Family Lawyer, I was horrified by some of the work I saw being done in this space. There is no governing body, no required training, no standard of practice. In fact, anyone can call themselves a divorce coach!
Some coaches complete rigorous certified training. Some have completed a short course. I recently saw a $27 divorce coach course advertised online (eeek). Some coaches think that having a law degree is sufficient (hint: it’s not!). Others have nothing more than their own divorce as their qualification - which is a valid life experience but not the same as professional training. An account with 10,000+ Instagram followers (impressive) does not mean that the coach practices in an ethical and structured way.
I’m a certified Divorce Coaches Academy DCA® Divorce Coach trained in conflict resolution, communication and coaching. I am trained in structured decision making frameworks. Combined with almost 25 years as a Family Lawyer, a court appointed children’s lawyer and author means that I bring a depth of knowledge that is genuinely uncommon in this space.
The stakes are high. Your finances, your children and your future. It matters who you work with.
— Mrs K
"I would like to thank you very much for our time this morning. It was very informative and valuable. I can even say it was the best legal consultation I have had in my life!"
"Utterly priceless. Wonderfully skilled. many thanks for an understanding and informative meeting"
— Paul
"Shaya is honest, responsible, professional, responsive and proactive. As a single mum of two children, Shaya understood the importance of not wasting my time or money"
— Sarah
— Sue
"Thank you so much for all of the hard work you have done for me. Words cannot express how much I admire your dedication on my behalf"
"I want to express my sincere gratitude for the exceptional service provided by you. Your expertise, support and understanding made a significant difference. You approached my matter with such dedication, professionalism and care. I appreciate all that you do"
— Donna
"I cannot speak highly enough and will always be grateful for the compassion, sensitivity and support shown by you"
— Samantha
As featured:
Ready to talk?
Let’s talk. Book a free 15 minute call with no pressure or commitment to see whether working together makes sense for you.
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Email: hello@separateways.net
